January 28, 2012

Trifextra -- The Weekend Edition, Take 1

Those litpushers over at Trifecta have decided we don't make enough for them so they've stepped it up a notch ... Here is my entry to their latest challenge: Trifextra -- write a love story in exactly 33 words. Here's mine:

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Perfection

Her toes, all ten of them, curl in such a pleasing way. They're pink and soft.

He puts her foot to his lips. "Who’s your daddy," he croons. "Who’s your daddy, sweet girl?"

40 comments:

  1. So sweet, so tender, I love your take on this. The crooning? *swoon*

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    1. Thanks Kim, 33 words forced me to work hard for the details ...

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  2. Is it just me or can you understand it in different ways? :)

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    1. No, it definitely can go in two ways ... I sort of felt weird about it but did it anyway. What the heck, eh?!

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  3. Daddy love!!! There is nothing more wonderful to me still, and my daughter is 8, than seeing how she and my husband adore each other.

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    1. Ya. My husband was pretty pleased with this one. He only read it one way ...

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  4. This could be my husband and out oldest. They definitely have that kind of relationship :)

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    1. Very sweet! Thanks for reading. It's neat that you can see your family in this. I love the way that people can't resist babies, and how interested my husband suddenly became in other people's children once I was pregnant. Now he wants to hold a baby, anybody's baby, crying or not, any chance he gets.

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  5. "who's your daddy" has never been used in a better way. :) Lovely

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    1. Ya. I love that teasing way people talk to babies.

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    1. Thank you. Not what I expected to write but I had to surrender.

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  7. I actually went awww after reading this :)

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    1. Sweet! I love it when I can't stop from a gaffaw or an awwww ...

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  8. So sweet! The daddy/daughter bond is very strong. It's going on 22 years for my daughter and her, truly a Hoosier daddy. They both went to Indiana University too! Love them together. Have fun watching Yours!

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    1. That's lovely. I really love to watch my husband with our girls and our little guy. We had been together nearly 10 years when we decided what the heck, and his reactions have been quite sweetly unexpected.

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  9. It's so hard to write well in a concise space, but this is great! I can see the image of the scene in my head.

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    1. Thanks! I really love to edit but this took some working. I abandoned my first idea and went for this instead. Funny how some things just don't want to be explored!

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  10. Something about newborn toes that make them nibble-ish. A sweet image of daddy and daughter.

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    1. I like the way that people can't resist nipping on the toes and fingers of babies. Weird and cool.

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  11. I LOVE THIS. I can not tell you the love I have for baby toes, and to have daddy nibbling on them? Priceless. Wonderful.

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    1. Ya. Baby toes are like no other. Like I have no desire to nibble on my 8 year old toes, but my friend's baby's toes ... yummy!!!

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  12. This is SO sweet. And such a lovely spin on the "love story" theme. Great job!

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    1. Thank you! Adult love stories weren't really working for me ...

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  13. As the father of 3 daughters, this put a tear in my eye and catch in my throat. Every morning, I wake up my teenage daughter by pinching her toes and saying "good morning, beautiful"

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    1. Awwwww, that's so nice! (I know, don't say nice.)

      But after I read this I had my husband read my little story, in case he liked it too. He's pretty sweet on his kids, much to his own surprise.

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  14. What I love so much about kissing those little pink feet are the pure giggles they bring. Very sweet love story.

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    1. Oh the giggles. I always go for a snog in the fat folds of a baby's neck to get those giggles. After the baby knows me, of course!

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  15. Oh, I love this. Such a vivid picture in so few words. Kudos.

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    1. Thank you! It was actually fun once I abandoned the idea that wasn't working. I believe it was about 4 am at the time ...

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  16. I love double entendre, especially when it has such opposing possibilities.

    Or I'm a perv and have horribly tainted your sweet story. One of the two.

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    1. Thanks Megan. You are no more pervie than I am. I was writing something else entirely more adult (though not pervie) but it wasn't working. I abandoned it and wrote about a dad and his baby. At first I had the dad take the entire foot in his mouth, but then that thought came to me that the whole thing could be interpreted either way, so I changed that detail.

      Fun! See you next challenge?

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  17. love this. such great visual and such sweetness.

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    1. Thanks Jenna. Sometimes these things write themselves a bit. But they never edit themselves. Man, did that make me sweat! Good thing I actually love to edit.

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  18. Karen, thanks for joining us for this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge. Your response created quite a discussion on this end. Does she mean it this way? Does she mean it that way? In the end, we decided we liked it no matter what you intended. Excellent job with a very limited word count. Come back on Monday, y'hear?

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    1. Thank you both, it was fun. I liked the ambiguity. It wasn't expected when I started the idea but it was easy to capture. See y'all Monday.

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  19. Awww...I love this! Great take on the prompt!

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    1. Thanks Lisa! It was fun to write ...

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