This is my response to Trifecta's Writing Challenge. They've stepped things up there, so I have skipped my morning duties -- you know, parenting, dishes, getting out in a rare bit of actual sunlight -- for this.
********************Day at the Park
Don’t throw sand!!! Arrrrrg! I’m telling mom! Mommeeeeeee!
Thomas runs blindly across the playground, oblivious of the tiny round toddler heading in a determined fashion toward the small slide.
Wobble, wobble, wobble-wobble, and over she topples, face first. Her wail starts up like an air raid siren.
Thomas, still hurtling toward me, is oblivious in his rage.
At this exact moment, I feel torn. This is the beast that is parenting. What the fuck do I do?
On the one hand, my 18 month old has thrown sand in the direction of my four year old. He has internalised the no-throwing-sand rule and possesses an older sibling’s sense of justice that makes age irrelevant.
On the other hand, he’s just knocked down someone’s little girl. And not stopped to check to see if she’s okay. While I want to comfort him in his anger and grief, I feel the pull to reprimand him, to force him to make amends.
A part of just want to yell. Grow the fuck up. The sand, while thrown in your general direction, did not hit you. Why are you so bent on getting others in trouble?
On the fourth hand, which highlights how impossible this truly is, I simply want to envelop my hurting little guy in a hug, despite the mom of the toddler and her friends, now glaring at me like I created this mess, as if I am the asshole who has created this problem.
Meanwhile. Some other kid has attempted to take a truck that was in my younger child’s general vicinity and she’s screaming bloody murder and, in slow motion now, I see her raise her fist in anger.
All I want, I think as I angrily pack up my two screaming children and our various park-going supplies, is a stiff drink. Fuck this shit, I’m through.
But parenting is 24/7, no retakes, and I go home defeated, feeling as though I have failed on every front.
This week we are using the third definition for beast, as found in Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary:
3: something formidably difficult to control or deal with
And while you're here, feel free to get to know me. These are my responses to Trifecta's questionnaire.