February 2, 2012

Trifecta Week 12 - Image

This is my response to Trifecta's Writing Challenge for the third definition for image, as found in Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary. And just because she can't hit a deadline, doesn't mean my girl JC can't write. Check her late non-entry out at Chicago Chronicles.

 



Lost

The tension in the room is thicker than anything I’d ever felt, like the electricity that hangs in the air before a really wild summer storm.

Wait it out, he says with a sigh. Just. Wait.

I wait, frozen in an impossible pose for what seems to be forever, then sneak in what feels like the tiniest of breaths.

FUCK!

His shout comes at me like a cannon ball, at full force. He slams his fists down on the table and shoots me an accusing look, intense and full of meaning. I look at him through slitted eyes, afraid of what will come next. I know better than to wince.

Nothing.

He utters not another word; he just sits there with his head in his hands like my father used to do at my childhood dinner table before losing his shit in rage. I wait, exposed to the same old juvenile feelings, no way to fix this, no place to hide.

Being an artist’s model is hard enough. Attempting to pose for someone because you are the spitting image of their old lover is the height of all miseries.

In another place, I would really like this guy, maybe even fall for him. He is so intensely creative, so careful, so determined to make his mark. And though he's big -- almost twice my size -- he's pretty cute, too. But here, naked and vulnerable in his ice-cold atelier, all I feel is my own intense fear of failure. I'm not certain he feels any different.

He picks up his tool and silently but deliberately jabs sharply at the sculpture's chest once again.

I hold my breath and wait.

22 comments:

  1. Wow! This week has brought forth some pretty amazing texts. This is an interesting constellation. Makes you wonder what will happen next.

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    1. I'm hoping for reading time tomorrow. I barely squeaked this guy out before the deadline. Thanks for your comments.

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  2. I want to just tell this girl to RUN! But of course, that wouldn't do any good, especially if her own memories of abuse won't get her out.

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    1. Oh there's always that attraction to what one knows, isn't there? Even, sometimes, when one knows better ...

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  3. I love it. I especially love at the end, how he hacks at the chest. Wonderful writing.

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    1. Thank you Amanda. As a longer-time reader of your writing, that means a lot to me. The hackey part was tricky to get so it sounded okay/not okay, know what I mean?

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  4. Thank you for contributing to this week's Trifecta Challenge. I really like where this went--such an unexpected scene. I like how you cleverly connected the artist to the father. You succeeded in making me feel tense and uncomfortable, with a final scraping out of the chest. Nicely done. Come back on Friday for the weekend prompt, ok?

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    1. Thank you. Sharpening my pencils now.

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  5. We are there. Right there. The tension, the sadness, the wishful hoping. The humiliation. So good, girl.

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    1. Thanks JC ... it all kind of just unfolded. And your observations are very interesting ... not all intended here but true for me. You must know me a bit ...

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  6. wow! agreeing with the other comments - and feeling wordless.

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  7. Thanks for kicking my butt.

    http://chicagochronicles.blogspot.com/2012/02/trifecta-writing-challenge-week-12.html

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    1. This piece, as I note with a link at the top, very worth the read.

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  8. This is so visceral. It had me filled with anxiety at what would come next. Really strong.

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    1. Thanks. I must have been filled with the anxiety of getting it done amongst all the other chaos in my house yesterday. Zoinks!

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  9. Thanks for linking up to this week's Trifecta challenge. This was a really strong piece, Karen. I like, first of all, the uniqueness of your story. I didn't realize what we were dealing with until a few sentences in, and then I was right in that room with them. When he slammed his fist, I think I jumped a bit. Especially when you likened it to her father's anger. Very nicely done. I hope she got her clothes on, collected her twenty bucks and got the hell out of there. I'm thinking that wasn't the case, though. Hope you'll come back on Friday for the weekend challenge.

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    1. Hmm. Funny. I didn't know what was going on for a few sentences either. Is that a good thing?

      I am very new to even considering the wild leap at fiction, so I might also be surprising myself.

      Anyway. Who said she was modeling nude? *grin*

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  10. Very nicely done - The picking at the chest; the smallest of breaths...lovely detail. Gorgeous scene.

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    1. Thank you Kelly. This challenge seems to actually be good for me. I'm glad I'm doing it!

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