March 1, 2012

Trifecta, Week Sixteen

I've managed to squeeze a wee bit of fiction out just before the final bell for this week's weekday challenge at Trifecta. This week's word, wretched (adjective \ˈre-chəd\) came from Let Me Start by Saying.

The third definition, as taken from Webster's Online Dictionary, for wretched:

3: being or appearing mean, miserable, or contemptible (dressed in wretched old clothes)

Along the Rails -- Along the Rails

The children, rag-tag and dirty, kept walking along the tracks. They had no idea where they were going but this path, which was solid before them, seemed as good as any. The youngest, a four year old girl with blond tangled curls, sniffled as she stumbled along. Her brother, a slight seven year old who was light on his feet considering the pack he carried on his back, balanced along the metal rail as best he could. Their older sister, solemn to the point of being grim, held the smaller girl’s hand firmly in her own. She couldn’t have been older than nine.

“Come on, we’ve just got a few more miles to go,” she urged her small charges.

“You’re squeezing too hard! Stop squeezing my hand,” whined the little girl, “It always hurts when you hold my hand. And I’m tired.” She stretched the vowels of the last word for emphasis as only a small child does.

“We’ll rest in a bit.” came the biting reply. “Come on,” her sister said more softly now, loosening her vice-like grip. “We’ll find a place to rest in a bit. I know it’s hard, but we need to keep going.”

At nine years old, she already knew well the art of disappearing. In her own rucksack was enough Oreos and juice boxes to sustain them for the night and through the next morning.

She didn’t know how much further along the tracks her Aunt’s house might be, and she hoped with all of her might they were walking in the right direction.

All she knew was the wretched home they’d been placed in following her parent’s arrest was no place for children, a mere holding pen with rough and brusque adults who hated them so obviously, merely for their lineage, for which they should have borne no responsibility.

All she could hope was that they’d find her Aunt’s house soon, that it was indeed along these tracks as she’d once been told, and that it wouldn’t have been raided as well.

******************

Update:  I've written a second part to this ... you can find it here: Along the Rails, Meet Terry

11 comments:

  1. Oh, I know those wretched homes. I love the hopefulness in this, especially after seeing so many similar situations where hope had no place.
    This makes me want to know more. What did their parents do? What was their lineage? Do they make it? Does she take them in? Is she wretched too?

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    1. Ha ha ... is the house even in this direction. So interesting that you saw hope in this, I thought it seemed rather bleak. I guess you know me well enough to know that they would definitely triumph, as those who have hidden reservoirs of temerity always do.

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  2. Rim determination. This encapsulates that feeling. Solid work.

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    1. Thanks Nicole. And thanks for popping by.

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  3. You painted quite the picture of the rag tag little bunch following the rails.

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    1. Thank you Carrie. I grew up just above a bog and there were train tracks that we had to cross to get into it. We didn't dare walk on the tracks for very far as it was still an active line (I think it still is now, I just don't live close) but I loved the rails. I still would choose train travel over any other ... there's something very romantic about following the tracks.

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  4. I was nervous the whole time that a train would come along. My kids, husband, and I are all train nuts. It's really fun to share that love with our children now. These kids are well written. My desire to know more is connected to that last line about the possibility of the Aunt's house being raided, too.

    http://jesterqueen.com

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  5. Thanks. I am super new to writing fiction. These little exercises are creating interesting characters that I want to follow one day too. I'm so grateful for your comment, and for the opportunity to stretch into this with you. =)

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  6. Thanks for linking up, Karen. I'm with the others -- I want to know a lot more. What happened before? What's going to happen at the Aunt's house (if they ever get there). Writing good fiction is all about hooking the reader in. Clearly, from the comments above, you've done just that. Hope to see more of your fiction over the next weeks and months.

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    1. Thank you Amelia! I'm rather taken with these kids as well. Sigh. Could someone please find me some TIME!

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