Lost
“The key is in the door.”
He says the words with such deliberateness, such care.
“Key. In the Door.”
I stare blankly.
“What?”
His eyes, first pleading then desperate as he fades away.
March 16, 2012
Trifextra, Weekend Seven
This weekend's Trifecta: Trifextra
challenge is to write a story titled Lost in exactly 33 words. The story must not actually contain the word lost. Thankfully I wrote a story called Lost two weekends ago, so I am rather off the hook. Or ... am I?
“The key is in the door.”
He says the words with such deliberateness, such care.
“Key. In the Door.”
I stare blankly.
“What?”
His eyes, first pleading then desperate as he fades away.
“The key is in the door.”
He says the words with such deliberateness, such care.
“Key. In the Door.”
I stare blankly.
“What?”
His eyes, first pleading then desperate as he fades away.
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Sometimes that distance between lips and ears turns words into gobbly goo.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, eh?
DeleteThere are so many ways to take this piece, I'm going to be puzzling over it. Is he angry and impatient with her? Is she suffering from dementia? Why does he fade away? Interesting piece.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time that I think 33 words really left me with an idea that needed 5 more words (or, you know, 100). Thanks for the comment. I'm keeping my intent to myself for now (as per I, Rodius below).
Deletesometimes my head is awhirl with 600000 different thoughts that I cannot concentrate on the very obvious reality of the KEY being in the DOOR! nicely done, Karen
ReplyDeleteThanks! Knocking these ones off early is really nice. I was always an 11th hour girl, so this is quite a switch.
DeleteDoes she have dementia? Would explain the emphasis on direction. Well done.
ReplyDeleteLips. Sealed. For now ...
DeleteYou are off the hook and on the ball, woman.
ReplyDeleteTakes the pressure off, and I am experiencing some pressure currently, but I want to write. What a cool feeling that is! <3
DeleteLove ambiguity in the short pieces. Don't tell me; I don't want to know!
ReplyDeleteI have already decided to not give away my intent right now. I love the speculation, it makes this exercise really enlightening. As in what I might do differently the next time. I love this comment, especially the directive.
DeleteOooh, intriguing. I'm with the others, curious about the intent behind this piece.
ReplyDeleteThanks Janna!
DeleteI love puzzles! The key is IN the door. The door is the key? Hmmm. Nice job with the prompt!
ReplyDeleteAhhhh. Closer to the truth ...
DeleteI really like this. Endless speculation.
ReplyDeleteThanks. The comments might be a better read than the story, all that speculation! So much fun, eh?
DeleteI'll throw my ideas into the speculation pot
ReplyDelete1) Perhaps he is a ghost trying to tell her something important that she doesn't know she'll need yet.
2) Perhaps, as others have suggested, she has dementia
3) Perhaps this is a metaphor for a lost relationship that was on the cusp of becoming something more.
JQ I love your comments here and on other blogs. Thank you for them, they bring me immense pleasure! And your ingredients for the pot, my story could be so many things.
DeleteNow. This may not be the sign of a truly good piece, mind you.
Karen, thanks for linking up to Trifextra this weekend. I don't usually read the comments of a piece until after I've left my own--otherwise I always say what the others have already said. But this time I did, and I was alarmed. I thought for sure my version of your story was the only one. Now I see I'm way off-base. Happily so. I really enjoyed this piece. Hope to see you again soon.
ReplyDeleteHa ha, I laughed so hard at this comment (but not at you, never at you two).
DeleteI have been amazed at what people have thought of by my obviously, but not intentionally, speculation-worthy post.
I have a plan for how to settle the score. I am not sure when I will be able to execute, so stay tuned. =)
On first read I thought ghost. Then I read it again and thought puzzle/riddle. Then I read the comments and love everyone's speculation and am anticipating where you are going to take this! Very nice!
ReplyDeleteOooooh Rachel, I haz plans. I don't think this is going to be an extended one, but I am going to wait for the right opportunity, the right word, the right inspiration. And then I will tell all. =)
DeleteProbably.
Very intriguing!!
ReplyDeleteHi Amelia, thanks! Actually, I'm dying to play with it more, to give it away. Can you believe, 89 entries!!! Hole ee cowz.
DeleteI think you should! I'd love to find out the details of these people!
DeleteI KNOW!! When I saw that many entries I did not envy the editors their task. WOW.
I'll have to figure out how to flag the story when I write it. Oh, that the right word comes along (whatever that means!)
Delete