May I present the third part of my ongoing story, Along the Rails. I've included the children's names and ages, but have not counted those details in each 33 word piece as this information is not in their voices.
Two previously-written pieces of this story are here and here. Eventually I'll figure out how to post them as a permanent list, assuming I continue to hear Terry's journey in my head.
I've missed you all, and missed the writing. But these days it is hard to hear anything, the external noises come so fast and furious. Life with family, right?
The Trifextra Challenge of the week:
Your task, should you choose to accept, is to take a scene that involves (or affects) at least three people. You should then write this scene from the point of view of three of the characters, using 33 words for each character.
Along the Rails -- The Arrival
Terry (age 9):
The house looks abandoned, Pete, look. The mail's piled on the porch; she’s not here.
It's definitely auntie’s though. We're here.
I'll head 'round back, find a way in. Keep care of Frannie.
Pete (age 7):
The screen door is loose, banging. Creepy. The house is dark -- maybe haunted. Man I’m hungry.
I’m NOT going in, Terry.
Frannie, hold my hand.
Shhhhh, Frannie. Wait.
This is stupid.
Shhhhhhh. Frannie.
Frannie (age 4):
You’re squishing my hand, stop squeezing so hard, you always squeeze so hard.
Petey, I don’t wanna wait. Where’s Terry?
I’m hungry.
Petey?
I.
Want.
Momma.
Petey?
You’re squeezing too hard.
Ow! Petey!
You captured the ages well and how they think. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mags ... it helps to have kids around these ages.
DeleteYea...I agree with Mags. You've got the siblings down. And we can see that they are in this bad situation. :(
ReplyDeleteMmmmmm yes. The situation seems dire, but not hopeless? I rather think that, as hard as it is for a 9 year old to take charge, they prove themselves very well able when called upon ...
DeleteOh, she's not there. Now what? Now what?
ReplyDeleteI'm counting on some dried goods and cans of beans to get us through ...
DeleteAww, cute little people. Yeah, that's probably not what you were going for. But I'm a mom. :)
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't mind that you take that from it. I think kids are cute, even the ones that really have to struggle. Perhaps especially in such cases.
DeleteThanks for linking up to Trifecta this weekend. It's good to see you back! I agree that you did a great job capturing the voices here. I'm a bit nervous that the aunt isn't there. Hope you'll continue this story.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. On both accounts. Thanks for waiting for me ... you should see the detritus in my incomplete unpublished drafts files. Sigh.
DeleteSounds like a darker version of Dicey's story. I hope there's something edible inside, at least.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm ... going to have to go and find Dicey's story now. Just coming up for air after an unfortunate couple of days post-poisoning ... working my way through Trifextras now ...
Delete