The way he told me was ice cold. He announced he was remarrying.
Six months previous, the stock markets had failed miserably. His blood pressure was up, way up, and he fretted that no one would discover for days that he’d died.
Email me, even with a mundane ‘I woke up,’ I suggested gently. And in came the poetry, the philosophy, the introspect. Everyday.
But nothing of a girlfriend. Not a whisper, until that email. It ambushed me late on a Thursday night, too late to call. I’ll be at a silent retreat till Tuesday, he wrote without a care.
May 20, 2011
May 13, 2011
Lost in a space
This week's prompt word for the 100 Word Challenge? Forgetting:
Maybe I am an addict again.
Years ago, I escaped my problems using food. Stuffing my body numbed me. Forcing food up gave the relief I craved.
Therapy and intensive actor’s training taught me how to cuss out my anger, cry out my pain, how to laugh and play. Such relief!
But now? With three young children and a busy life not my own, I cannot let it out the way I used to. My house is a mess. But when I come for a recipe and turn to a blog, I lose time, forgetting what I’m meant to do.
Maybe I am an addict again.
Years ago, I escaped my problems using food. Stuffing my body numbed me. Forcing food up gave the relief I craved.
Therapy and intensive actor’s training taught me how to cuss out my anger, cry out my pain, how to laugh and play. Such relief!
But now? With three young children and a busy life not my own, I cannot let it out the way I used to. My house is a mess. But when I come for a recipe and turn to a blog, I lose time, forgetting what I’m meant to do.
May 2, 2011
The Fear of Rejection
In an effort to write more than less, I have joined a writer's challenge at Velvet Verbosity. I came across it after reading a couple of examples in the beautiful wanderings at Seeking Elevation, a blog I'm really enjoying these days. I love to live vicariously through other people's experiences, especially if I can find the familiar in them. The blogger at Seeking Elevation is moving her family to Hong Kong, a place I lived and worked for six long, interesting years. I am looking forward to seeing a current Hong Kong through her eyes ...
Anyway ... back to the challenge ... 100 words, with an specific word that must be used. This week's anchor is the word, Family. Here goes:
The Fear of Rejection
I comment at great length and frequency. I’m not ever sure if this is appropriate but I cannot stop. I fear that one day a blogger will finally send me that email:
“Hey! Stop leaving such long comments. Those kinds of remarks belong on your own blog, which I’ve noticed is sadly neglected. Back off.”
But I cannot write regularly on my own blog despite my best intentions. Writer’s block? Perhaps. But my family know that I write here and may not enjoy what I have to say.
Besides. I truly love the back and forth of a good conversation.
Anyway ... back to the challenge ... 100 words, with an specific word that must be used. This week's anchor is the word, Family. Here goes:
The Fear of Rejection
I comment at great length and frequency. I’m not ever sure if this is appropriate but I cannot stop. I fear that one day a blogger will finally send me that email:
“Hey! Stop leaving such long comments. Those kinds of remarks belong on your own blog, which I’ve noticed is sadly neglected. Back off.”
But I cannot write regularly on my own blog despite my best intentions. Writer’s block? Perhaps. But my family know that I write here and may not enjoy what I have to say.
Besides. I truly love the back and forth of a good conversation.
April 7, 2011
Thoughts after coffee ...
There is nothing better than the hours following a lovely coffee (or tea, or whatever) out with a friend, especially if it was their turn to treat you. Being treated is the best feeling in the world, next to treating somebody else.
Some people just don't "get" the yumminess of the treating system, and never remember to reciprocate, or never allow anyone else to buy. Others get way too worried about who's turn it is.
But for those of us who love to treat and be treated, we understand, implicitly that sometimes we will treat, and sometimes we will be treated, but it will always work out in the end. A perfect friendship pairing is two of this type of people. It puts a glow on the day. Especially when every second song in the coffeeshop is The Best '80s Song Ever, and spring is in the air.
Some people just don't "get" the yumminess of the treating system, and never remember to reciprocate, or never allow anyone else to buy. Others get way too worried about who's turn it is.
But for those of us who love to treat and be treated, we understand, implicitly that sometimes we will treat, and sometimes we will be treated, but it will always work out in the end. A perfect friendship pairing is two of this type of people. It puts a glow on the day. Especially when every second song in the coffeeshop is The Best '80s Song Ever, and spring is in the air.
March 13, 2011
Why I love Facebook, warts and all
I really do.
Facebook is a really interesting social phenomenon. I have lots to say about it, and about why I use it now, where a year or two ago I would have given it a miss.
But today I just want to say that it is delightful to receive birthday wishes, many, so many of them, on The Facebook. I always have been a big birthday celebrator. I also believe(d) that you have to be responsible (as an adult) for your birthday ... if you want the birthday wishes, you must remind your loved ones that it is your birthday, and not in the days following it, but before.
On my Facebook birthday (close enough to, but not on my day for obvious reasons), I received wishes from people I have not seen in years, from friends I only know on the Internet, from loved ones I talk to all of the time. Each wish tells me that this person thought about me for long enough to post something, a wish, on my wall. I tell you, it feels amazing to think of this.
Sometimes I take the time to wish people a happy birthday on FB, sometimes I have not, because I didn't want to appear insincere. Well ... I will take the time, everytime, after yesterday, because I loved each and every wish I received, and feel positively bathed in good wishes!
Yum! I do love a Happy Birthday!
Facebook is a really interesting social phenomenon. I have lots to say about it, and about why I use it now, where a year or two ago I would have given it a miss.
But today I just want to say that it is delightful to receive birthday wishes, many, so many of them, on The Facebook. I always have been a big birthday celebrator. I also believe(d) that you have to be responsible (as an adult) for your birthday ... if you want the birthday wishes, you must remind your loved ones that it is your birthday, and not in the days following it, but before.
On my Facebook birthday (close enough to, but not on my day for obvious reasons), I received wishes from people I have not seen in years, from friends I only know on the Internet, from loved ones I talk to all of the time. Each wish tells me that this person thought about me for long enough to post something, a wish, on my wall. I tell you, it feels amazing to think of this.
Sometimes I take the time to wish people a happy birthday on FB, sometimes I have not, because I didn't want to appear insincere. Well ... I will take the time, everytime, after yesterday, because I loved each and every wish I received, and feel positively bathed in good wishes!
Yum! I do love a Happy Birthday!
March 9, 2011
counting birthdays ...
I received a handmade birthday card from my guy this morning. At the bottom of it, he writes "You're 43!" and alongside there is a self-portrait of a quaking man, with the words "I'm next!"
"Erm, actually, I'm 44," I tell him. His eyes widen (and if you knew his looks, he has classic, narrow, almond-shaped Asian eyes, so the wide-eyed look is, in and of itself, pretty darned tootin' funny ... ) so I continue, "You know what comes after 44?"
He shakes his head, pleading, don't say it ...
"45. And you know what follows 45?"
He shakes his head wildly, madly.
"FIFTY!!!"
Aging bothers me not at all. I like myself better every year that I practice the good habits I have learned over time, and drop the ones that bring me no pleasure. I also am so flawed that I am quite certain that I will have plenty to work on for the rest of my life, regardless of how short or long it is. And I am incredibly grateful to have made it through some really tough years to get to this day, this month, this year.
I can wait for 50, and I can wait for 45 too. I have plenty to accomplish at 44. Starting with baking my birthday cake and cooking our dinner. But I think I'll leave cleaning my house for tomorrow. I am hoping to have it under control by the time my much younger husband turns 44 ... I've got till October.
"Erm, actually, I'm 44," I tell him. His eyes widen (and if you knew his looks, he has classic, narrow, almond-shaped Asian eyes, so the wide-eyed look is, in and of itself, pretty darned tootin' funny ... ) so I continue, "You know what comes after 44?"
He shakes his head, pleading, don't say it ...
"45. And you know what follows 45?"
He shakes his head wildly, madly.
"FIFTY!!!"
Aging bothers me not at all. I like myself better every year that I practice the good habits I have learned over time, and drop the ones that bring me no pleasure. I also am so flawed that I am quite certain that I will have plenty to work on for the rest of my life, regardless of how short or long it is. And I am incredibly grateful to have made it through some really tough years to get to this day, this month, this year.
I can wait for 50, and I can wait for 45 too. I have plenty to accomplish at 44. Starting with baking my birthday cake and cooking our dinner. But I think I'll leave cleaning my house for tomorrow. I am hoping to have it under control by the time my much younger husband turns 44 ... I've got till October.
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